im being transfered. Its an emergancy tranfer. Im not happy. I have alot of friends here now. i have alot of inglish investigators that i teach. No idea how thats going to work when i leave. I am not happy about this.
Finally tammed my once amazing hair......
i miss sleeing until 3. i had the life back home.
i miss ketchup.
So apparently im alot mentally worse then i thought...My outlit was skating, but thats out the window for 2 years. And im not one to expess my feeling....Im a dude, i dont do that. I thought it was natural to miss home alot... alot alot. alot alot alot. and i didnt give it 2 thoughts! But ive been told ive been screamming in my sleep and freaking out. i dont really know what to do about this. Ive been getting more and more kinda depressed every day, i Thought this was suppose to pass. I guess its gotten alot worse. Ive tried to talk to my president but he just kinda brushes me off. so that just kinda adds to the feeling of me just being a burdan to people.
i Honistly dont know what to do. I thinking im finally mentally breaking. No one talks to me, and if i talk to someone they dont lessen or understand. All the people i like, i have to leave. Its like i cant get a break. I know its common to have thoughts of wanting to go home, and I use to be able to find reasons to stay becuase i would convince myself im getting bettter. Im not.
last night i had one of the most amazing dreams. I woke up in my bed (at home), dad stayed home from work. Me and dad just worked on the lawn. After aj came down and we all made burgers and dip. Ellle and matt eventally come down. Aj went back to working one somthing strang and physics and stuff, matt just kinda did matt things. Then i drove elle to school, screaming the whole way cuz the music was always too loud. After me and mom just went out to get food and go shopping, because she didnt want to work. Then chase and laura showed up and we skated utill dark.
I couldnt ask for a better day.
But i did go flying out of my bed when i woke up to go find everyone. Only to find my compainon kinda grab me cuz i was about to run into him.
I honistly thought i was doing better. But i find myself staring longer and longer at the pictures i do have, staying longer and longer in restrooms (only time im alone), and being more and more in my mind.
i Dont want to break. but i feel like im broken and im running out of duck tap to keep it together.
On i guess a better note. In brazil... more like porto alregy. there is an hurb that only grows here. Its tradition to make some and pass it around all your friends, its a sign of frend ship or acceptance. Here we are alot to have tea, just not dark teas? we are aloud to have this tea, and incouraged to drink.... It tast like grass.... but it grows on you. (there is a picture of me drinking and with a bag of it)
Pray for me. I dont know what to do anymore.
Live Long, And Prosper